Eww

 https://youtu.be/v5lOuXHsMm0

Okay i will share the poem here - 

its blunt stupid and toxic

i have to judge myself ofc

I learned their language

like a dog learns tricks

for meat.

design.

systems.

leadership.

All those polished little lies

men say to other men

before they hand each other money.

I said I believed in the mission.

Hell,

I could make belief sound holy.

That was my talent.

Not building.

Not dreaming.

Just dressing up hunger

so it could enter through the front door.

Every room smelled the same.

Coffee, perfume, ambition,

that clean corporate stink

of people who have traded their souls

for better lighting.

I hated them for asking.

I hated myself for answering.

Hated the bright faced version of me

that nodded on cue

like some trained, employable animal.

And the worst part was

the real thing never shut up.

The part that wanted to write.

The part that wanted something filthy and true.

I buried her under deadlines,

under invoices,

under stupid fucking optimism.

Still

she kept coughing in the dark.

So here I am.

Older.

Meaner.

Good at explaining things I do not love.

Good at surviving days,

that should have killed my faith years ago.

You do this long enough

and the tragedy isn't that you fail.

It's that one day

you wake up

and realise

you've become excellent

at betraying yourself.