Nobody's shit

When I was 5, I used to spend hours focusing at the window pane talking to myself, calling myself special, my mother used to tell me that mad people do that. I was always a notorious kid and knew no limits, not much has changed since childhood for I grew up thinking of this as my superpower. I was brought up in a middle class family by very ambitious parents. From childhood taking care of myself felt very foreign to me, and I always chose to challenge myself instead. Everything was going fine apart from the anxiety attacks, which became frequent during my teenage years. By then, I went through a series of inhumane events and I learnt that not everyone needs a reason to hurt someone. Day by day, I turned myself more and more into a recluse. I never had a lot of friends because I feared getting rejected by them for not being good enough. My mental disorder gained its gravity by my late teenage. I was always a sharp student, but having brought up in an environment of insane competition...

Its so sad that even after running so fast and covering all the distance to reach somewhere, you feel trapped in the middle of nowhere. Everything seems so hazy, you don't know where to look, what to aim, how to live. You suck every inch of the pain for the sake of a dream, however in the back of your mind you know you are cursed and that dream is just an illusion but you keep on swallowing. You pray for hope, hope to win, win to feel freedom, feel free to lose yourself, lose to drown, drown to question, question to fight, then pray for another hope to win. Its the same loop that keeps on reiterating and you call it life. Its miserable, its painful, its blinding, its insane but, you smile, because otherwise you will be left, all by yourself, with nothing. The point is, this sadness, it is our only source of pleasure too. Without it, there is no life. I am not sure why I am typing all this, but then I am even not sure why I am existing too. Its all for the illusion which we might r...

Lately, I have been hating. As simple and weird as it sounds I have been hating too much something. I hate and if it makes me wicked then suggest me another way to live, a way to feel the blood rush in my veins reflecting enough immaturity, as the world refers to belief. I am dull and heavy and it will kill me so I seek rescue in apathy. I hate that what I once was for I could not retain it and I see it shining everywhere to prick my disabilities. I wish to smile but the maximum I can do to escape this pain is fade away in it denying my very existence. I am striving to hide in the damages I chose for myself so that all that is left is a rotten body with nothing to lose. I know I do not deserve to curse so I am already apologetic for having born a surreal human being. 

There is something magical about this flower. It smells so precious that it tempts everyone to steal it. It’s not soft, pink, and pure, it’s sinful, rough and very lonesome but, when it blooms, the beholder feels elated. This little flower stares at the endless sky wondering if she could ever know a life beyond her house. She dreams to be free, to touch the sky, to fly high through the darkness and the dawn recklessly, to spread her colors everywhere, to reflect more sunlight and to see the mountains. Her profound desires make her distinct and teach her how to fight with restrictions, for they were never meant for her. She could never say goodbye to her dwelling though she knew she won’t return. She does not even know how to survive alone, but all that she knows are her wishes and that nobody knows where she will end.  Everyone used to call them her tragic flaw but she never gave up on them, unlike everyone. She got torn at places, broken into pieces, but in the sunshine she felt...

One day someone asked me to define love. Well I know love! When I was in class eleventh and there was this guy who just smiled at me during a really boring chemistry class, I so fell in love with him. I fell in love the other day I was high and a guy stared into my eyes. I still don't know his name but I bet it was love unadulterated by any social norm. How beautiful it is to admit that I fall in love every time like I fell never before! Though my life just goes on and, I don't cry at nights for anyone. Perhaps, these moments are beyond love for me, they are the only treasure I have gained in this life. It was raining heavily that day, we were wet in an extremely crowded market. I panic a lot in such situations, I was fidgeting all the time unable to think if I could ever get out of this mess. He was figuring the way until all of a sudden he turned to me and smiled, it was so assuring that everything will be okay. My heart beats suddenly came to a halt and I felt so bless...

Lately just a pair of eyes, beautiful indeed, strayed someone while getting blended with a slight grin that marked few pink blotches on a face, animated by its rising contours. This someone beholds them to admire the efficacy of a spectacular emotion that can render light to even scorn souls like his.  He buried all his tears, anguish, resentments, fears to follow her towards a better tomorrow. He ponders if its a miracle, that he is bestowed once again his only reason of life, he approaches her overwhelmed in felicity. Her eyes meet his, yet again, and everything just vanishes in a second, as the doctor lights the grim room and confirms him as a patient of shezophrenia. These hallucinations never left him from the day he saw his daughter die in a road accident.

Check out Pragya Mishra (@TheLostReverant): https://twitter.com/TheLostReverant?s=09